Google, can we talk?

The following is an edited screenshot of my Google Account profile:

My Google account profile

Google, my dear, do you see all of those email addresses listed there? Each and every one of them was not only added to my profile by me, I also took the time to verify with you that each of them is really, honestly, and truly mine and that I wanted them associated with my Google account. You know they’re associated with my account. I know they’re associated with my account. We are in blessed agreement on this point.

Google, my love, you are amazing. You can take my search terms and return a billion results plus relevant advertisements in a blink of an eye. Truly, you are the pinnacle of data association and retrieval.

Google, my pet, so why is it when someone sends me a Google Docs invitation–to one of those emails which we agree are associated with my Google account, by the way–why is it you won’t allow me to access the doc despite my being logged into my Google account? Why are you incapable of performing the (as appears from your users’ perspective) relatively simple lookup to confirm that the address to which the invite was sent is in fact associated with the account which is logged in? Why can you not also do that in the blink of an eye?

Google, my beloved, you have had a very long time to fix this very irritating and, to be honest, quite large usability bug. What’s the hold up? Frankly, people are saying some rather unsavoury things about you. Things like, “Google is an advertising company, not a product company, and therefore it doesn’t care about its users or usability.” Is that true, Google?

Because Google, my sweet, it certainly seems that way from where I’m sitting.

Thanks for the talk. I hope it helped you, because you’re certainly not helping me right now.